Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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