Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
