return my video game
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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