I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
