just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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