omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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