I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have fence marks all over my body
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
