I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!