a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
