I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
