you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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