you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
