Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
