Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
