Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
