So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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