Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
