Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
