Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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