Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
