You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
