yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
