OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
