Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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