I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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