If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
two words...techno handjob
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
