You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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