Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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