Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
