im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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