just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
