So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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