If that was your dad, he is hot
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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