So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
