my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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