we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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