i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
