first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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