Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
