I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
