I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
