How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
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