alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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