don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
