Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
