We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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