take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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