So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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