yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
