Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
