she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
