At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
