only if we run a train.
done.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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