if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
