Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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