the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
