Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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