i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
