you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
