i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
