I feel like abortions should bother me more
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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