Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
