also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
