you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
