life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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