dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
