Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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