I haven't been this sober since birth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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